iolanthe95 (iolanthe95) wrote,

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Poem Revision: Rain

Here's the revision of my latest poem.  I think the suggestions of the folks in my writing group really improved it:


In the parking lot
The light is silvered by the rain
And the mist
So it seems like
The earth is sighing

The sharp smell of damp mud
And the way the puddles collect
At the edges of the sidewalk and
Reflect the bare tree branches

The warmth of the coffee cup
Beside my elbow
And the taping of the
Rain on the roof asks

Why have you made a shape to beat against?
Why are you here at all?
Tags: poetry

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